The following is about radio commercials.  I don't see enough TV to even discuss television commercials.

I thoroughly loathe a great number of commercials.  This is, apparently, intentional.  Studies have shown that any commercial that makes the brand name stick in someone's head is, overall, effective advertising.  The percentage of people who are so effectively repelled that they will boycott the product is relatively small.  The percentage of people who will change the radio station when they hear a really bad commercial must be even smaller, or radio stations would have higher standards for what they accept.

Most of the commercials I hate are beyond simple help.  But there are two commercials that grate on my nerves that probably don't do so intentionally and only need a one word change to be perfectly fine.  So, quickly onto those two.

Rite Aid, you are a national brand.  You have funds.  You can hire copy writers, and, if that fails, you can access an online dictionary.  So why do you have a commercial saying "Your family's health shouldn't be an option?"

My family's health should, I think, at least be an option.  If it's not an option, why would I spend money on prescriptions, etc., from your store?  My family's health should not be a luxury.  'Luxury' may be the word you want.  There are several others you can choose.  Consult those overpaid advertising people.  (By the way, if you say that my family's health shouldn't be 'optional,' you sound as though you're about to show up, force feed us vitamins, and take us on a five mile hike every morning against our will.  If that's what you mean, you'll need a pencil and paper -- I'll give you my mother's address.)

This next company has failed even the "make them remember the product's name" test.  It's a diet aid, and I wouldn't give them the publicity even if I remembered the name.

If you want to tell people that you'll help them lose weight, don't tell them your product will help them "burn fat more efficiently."  

Fat is a fuel.

Surely by now you know about fuel efficiency?  It's been all over the news.  If you burn a fuel more efficiently, you burn less of it.  People may want to burn fat more effectively; they can interpret burning lots of fat with little effort as the 'effect' they desire.  Again, there are free dictionaries and thesauruses available online.

I've tried to suggest words that wouldn't make the ad much longer.  I do realize that 'luxury' has one more syllable than 'option,' but maybe your announcer could just speak a little more quickly.  With any luck you're not charged by the syllable.

We won't get into ads that assume women are idiots; or misstate science; or assume men are idiots; or use loud tire screeches, sirens, or honking noises during rush hour broadcasts.  Those are probably deliberate.

This has been another edition of "And Get Off My Lawn, You Whippersnappers!"  Thank you for your support.

Thank you all for your patience and for your articles.  I enjoy reading them.

And I'll post again once I've regained my ability to write for other people's consumption.  Yep.

Catch you later.

See that moose patchwork potholder in the bag of gifts I've bought ahead of time?  Cute, in a rustic sort of way, no? Grandma Weaver was just charmed by moose items.  She would have loved it as a stocking stuffer, I think, even though she was moving to a senior residence where meals were served.   (The important thing in personal gift-giving is to find something the recipient will like, which explained the resin moose birdseed dispenser Grandma Weaver received one gift-giving occasion.)  If the use of the past tense is giving you a spirit of foreboding, congratulations: you have reading skills and perception.

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'Remorse' isn't the term.

You wouldn't suspect it of me, but I own a pair of size ten pink and green glitter-covered platform high heeled shoes. Not to wear, though they fit me. When I saw them on the clearance rack I was just compelled by the silliness. I own them because every time I see them, they make me smile.

The price was right. They cost me less than the price of a movie, and have entertained me longer.